There and Back Again | Video Diary #5: Showing Up Despite Burnout

I had this great master plan: Ireland for a month. A neurodivergent nature retreat. A cabin in the countryside. Sheep. Gloomy weather. Complete silence.

I was going to disappear. Reduce every demand. Take a hiatus from my businesses. Go completely off the grid.

And then life happened.

First, this country almost started what felt like World War III. Flying to Ireland suddenly felt tense.

Then my friend Chris — the one with the unexpected stage four terminal brain cancer diagnosis — needed help. He and his wife were packing up their entire lives in Savannah, selling the house they’d been so excited about, moving into a one-bedroom apartment to be closer to the cancer center.

They needed support. And I was willing to give it, despite how depleted I’ve been feeling.

So I went from gloomy, cold, wet Ireland to humid, sunshiny Savannah. Taking Chris to his radiation appointments every morning. Being the caretaker.

Not the same experience.

But sometimes life throws curveballs, even when we have the best laid plans.

I had a momentary blip of sadness around not going to Ireland. But Ireland will still be there. And sometimes, even when we’re in burnout, we have to go through our values and decide what’s worth the squeeze.

For me, despite being unbelievably burnt out and honestly hating driving five and a half hours anywhere, that was what was worth the squeeze. Values overtook depletion. It just felt more important.

That doesn’t mean I’m any less burnt out. But it did mean that over those five days, I got to spend time with my very good friend in a very vulnerable state. We had deep conversations about final chapters of life. Dying with dignity. Having some control and autonomy over your situation. Trying to make the best out of whatever time he’s got left.

There were no demands aside from bringing him to and from the cancer center and just being there. And for me, that trumps going to Ireland for a month. I can always do that plan. I will still make that my reality.

But right now, I needed this type of connection just a little bit more.

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I’m noticing a concerning trend in the Autism advocacy world and among all of my Autistic friends, colleagues, and loved ones.

The burnout percentages we’re seeing feel astronomically high.

People are commenting desperately on my burnout content for guides and resources. Wanting something tangible to take the pain away. The suffering. The struggle.

So many of us are struggling.

We live in a capitalist hellscape where we have to be productive all the time just to pay the bills and survive, despite our own struggles and stressors.

Lists of demands never stop piling up — no matter how you try to trick yourself that clearing your notifications will make them disappear. Speaking from experience.

Because the world is so chaotic and tense and overwhelming right now, I think Autistic people are feeling it even more.