Special Interests, Gateways Into the Autistic Soul, and Talking To Strangers In Ireland
The DSM states that Autistic people have social deficits, but different does not equal deficient
Just because we socialize differently does not mean that we have deficits.
I have spent so much of my life feeling like an alien. Like I don’t belong. That I can’t connect to the world around me. That there is something wrong with ME. I hope these stories help you feel a little less alone......
Because when I connect with someone over a shared, special interest, and am able to deep dive, it feels like time and space cease to exist. And it’s important to talk about our strengths in a world that wants to focus on our struggles, you know?
I think that special interests are a gateway into the Autistic soul. Anchoring into special interests allows for us to not only regulate and sensory seek, but to unmask, and connect in a way that feels natural, authentic, and meaningful about things we are truly passionate about.
I’ve come to learn that object based communication works really well for me instead of social based. Dr. Megan Anna Neff talks about object based vs social based conversations a lot. Being able to think and connect over topics, ideas, and shared interests is a much easier entryway than muddling through small talk. “How are you feeling today,” is one of my least favorite questions of all time.
I thrive on context. I want to go beyond the surface questions. I need depth.
Travel for me often allows me to access the most authentic version of myself.
I tend to connect with random strangers everywhere I go. Some of it could be because I probably won’t see them again. But, I think it’s because you can dive right into deeper topics without the artificiality of small talk.
I was just in Ireland solo for almost three weeks. During that trip, I had 10 different social situations that were unbelievably meaningful to me. Conversations that will stay with me forever, allowing me to completely destroy the stereotype that Autistic people “can’t be social or connect.”
I went on a Celtic mythology tour one day and ended up connecting with a very shy man from Poland. He was a teacher and a historian and we ended up pub hopping through Galway. When we started talking about his special interest of medieval European history, he lit up and became a completely different person. All of a sudden he was talkative, confident, and charismatic.
The quiet man who was on the tour was now replaced by someone who was so passionate about his interest, that he could have talked about it for days. It was unbelievably fascinating. During the entire time together, we didn’t even share our names. It wasn’t important. We just dove into the depths of special interest conversation.
A few days later, I was on a tour in Killarney and I randomly started talking to a group of women from the states about their careers. We ended taking the tour together and discussing all things neurodiversity. They told me about their family members whom they thought were Autistic, and picked my brain on diagnosis and discovery all day.
One of them was a teacher and told me about all of the ways that they try to build in an inclusive classroom environment for their students, especially those that they knew or could tell were clearly Autistic or ADHD, and struggling. The conversation was beautiful and affirming.
Then, a few nights later, I was wearing an Autism t-shirt that my friend made, and was approached by a couple at the pub. The man immediately started the conversation by asking, “Did you know that Killarney is one of the most Autism friendly towns in Ireland?” He then told me that he had recently been diagnosed, at age 59.
We spent the next two hours talking about our lives, our struggles, our special interests, and more importantly, about our own shared experiences. All because I was wearing a t-shirt that made him feel safe enough and comfortable enough to approach and immediately dive into a conversation. No forced social niceties or pleasantries needed or expected.
During my final days in Ireland, I took a private, Irish wolfhound hike through The Burren. Animals are a special interest of mine, and I try to find as many animal filled experiences as possible when traveling. The owner of the company and guide immediately started talking to me about how he has listened to my podcast and TEDx, and was excited to tell me about being a fellow neurodivergent entrepreneur.
For hours, we sat in the park, near the water, the 3 majestic dogs at our feet. Talking about life. Our own struggles with addiction. Discussing similarities in our AuDHD discoveries as well as struggles. It was such a beautiful, unexpected moment of connection.
📌 This is exactly why I’m building The Neuropreneur Circle.
Everything I’m sharing here is what I, and so many of you, crave more of. A place where neurodivergent entrepreneurs can skip the small talk and go straight to the deep dive. Where the entry point is a shared interest and real context, not “how are you feeling today.” A room full of people who get it, where you can unmask, info-dump, and build a business without performing a version of yourself that leaves you drained.
I’ve felt like an alien in most professional spaces. So I’m building the opposite of that. Registration is opening soon and our first calls will kick off in September! I’m so excited. If you want to be notified when registration opens, make sure you’re on the waitlist here. The first 50 spots are locking in a lifetime discounted rate.
I know that I am not speaking for every Autistic person when I share stories like these. I know I have an enormous amount of privilege and ability to unmask safely in most situations that I am in.
I also know that although there are very real struggles being Autistic, there are also so many beautiful moments. When I am able to intensely share, deep dive, and be curious, I am able to connect and belong, and feel like I am a part of a world that I often feel misunderstood and rejected by.
I’d love to hear some of your own experiences of connection and social “differences” in the comments, travel related or not. I’d love to read anything you’d like to share and I can promise you that you sharing will help at least one other person reading along.
Until Next Time,
Patrick
Love this. What wonderful connections to have experienced.
I’ve wondered why traveling feels so nourishing to me when it also comes with so much uncertainty and unpredictable chaos. I think partly it’s what you wrote here: the ability to go deep with a stranger knowing you might never see them again, to connect over a shared interest without worrying about even learning their name. Great post!