Ireland changed EVERYTHING for me

The grief and relief of knowing when to let go

As I lay in my bed in New Zealand, preparing for my next retreat, I am flooded with memories and photos from my 4 annual Ireland retreats.

You see, that’s where it all started for me. I hosted my first retreat back in March 2022. At the time, my goal was to create connection, community, and have unique travel experiences that pushed you out of your comfort zone.

I never imagined fast forwarding 4 years that I’d have successfully hosted 22 events, all over the world, meeting hundreds of incredible people, and having experiences that most people consider to be “bucket list.”

From 2022-2025, the month of March would have been accounted for well in advance, and I would have been in the small medieval village of Ferns, preparing to host my retreat there.

I chose Ferns because it was the perfect quintessential Irish village. Hell, most Irish people have either never heard of it, or scrunched up their faces and asked, “WHY?” when you told them where you were heading.

While planning my first retreat, I was full of questions, anxieties, and self doubt. I have always been a really good planner but had never planned a retreat that people traveled for. I was unbelievably nervous that it would be a colossal failure, and that people wouldn’t have felt like they got their monies worth.

Ferns is special to me. It always will be. I can anchor in and connect to the memories of the 14th century church, the remnants of the 14th century castle, the rolling green fields, and of course, Dunbars Pub.

During that first event, I had an epiphany moment of “This is what I’m supposed to be doing with my career.” How in the hell did I realize we could combine travel + experiences + community + continuing ed hours?

The first retreat was so successful that before I left to go home, I had already reserved the same dates for the following year and started marketing 2023. 2023 sold out before my feet ever touched down back in the United States.

I had created something special, and I am so grateful to everyone who helped me see it through. For the next 4 years, I booked the same dates, March 14th-19th, to ensure we could be in Kilkenny for their incredible St. Patrick’s Day parade. Little did I know at the time, but I was able to track one side of my family tree back to Kilkenny, into the 1600s. It felt weirdly meant to be to be in that place in time during these events.

We had so many amazing memories along the way. I hired 2 different coaches/speakers for every event, and before the events started, I’d tour them around my favorite parts of Ireland to give back and say thank you, on top of their pay (pay your fucking speakers, btw…… this can be a whole other article).

During my last event there in March, 2025, I knew it was over for me. It was the first time in four years where I didn’t immediately ask the venue owner, Bryanna, to reserve the following year for me. I don’t know how I knew, but I was aware that it would be my last retreat where it all started for me.

I had a lot of sadness and grief during that final event. The last time we’d be in Dunbars, the last time we’d all be together in Kilkenny during St. Patrick’s Day, the last time we’d go to the secret Irish beach of Duncannon, learning how to play hurling while our tour guide made us hot Irish whiskeys in the boot of her car. Listening to the musicians play for us in our own secret wine cellar bar, knowing it would be the last time I’d ever hear their melodic voices.

You see, once I am done with something, I am 100% done.

I cannot convince my brain that I could host another there in the future. That place will always hold a special place in my heart, but it was also the train to major Autistic burnout, and the success + the travel + the sensory overwhelm has left me reeling a bit (make sure to check out all of my articles and podcasts on Autistic burnout).

I am forever grateful to all of the small businesses in Ferns whom I built relationships with. The local coffee cart owners, the venue owner, the pub owner, and most importantly, our tour guide, Cathy. She was a true fucking gem. I do not know if my first event would have ever been as successful as it was without her involvement and passion.

As I sit and reflect on where it all started, I also reflect on how it’s ending. I am getting prepared to host my final retreat here in Queenstown New Zealand in a couple of days.

I didn’t really know what it meant to be Autistic during Ireland 2022. I had just discovered that I was back in the fall of 2021. I was still masking heavily, and pushing myself beyond my limits.

Fast forward to today and all I want to do is spend my time unmasking, and honoring my limits.

And that is what I’ve chosen to do over the last 4 years. Honor my limits, unmask, and slow everything down. Intentionality is now the name of the game, and boundaries are everything for me.

I do not know if I will ever host a retreat again, but if I do, I know that it will be full of spaciousness, neurodivergent humans, and in a constant state of unmasking my true self.

Thank you, Ireland. Truly. I owe it all to you.

"Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life—and travel—leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks—on your body or on your heart—are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt." — Anthony Bourdain

Do you have a place that has changed everything for you? A place where you’ve been able to measure time and chapters of your life with multiple trips? Who were you when you started going there…and who have you become?

I’m in my feelings about this anniversary and how it’s aligning with my final retreat. I am just so fucking grateful we got to do this. Get nostalgic with me, share your version of Ireland in the comments below. Let’s tell our stories about the places that changed us.